It is well with my soul

This song really spoke to me today, particularly the italicized parts. The man who wrote it -- Horatio G. Spafford -- was a lawyer and lost a great deal of real estate in the Chicago fires in 1871. His son died around the same time. After two years of helping the homeless of the fires, Spafford decided to vacation to England with his family, but sent his wife and four daughters ahead because he was delayed with business. The ship collided with another, sinking within twenty minutes, taking all four of his daughters -- his wife was one of only 47 survivors. She sent a telegram to Spafford: "Saved alone." When the pair met with their friend months later, Spafford told him, "It is well. The will of God be done." It is said he penned these words during the years of grieving afterward.

Today, it speaks to me because my sins are in front of me, and I am comforted to know that Christ, though I can't understand it, has taken the whole of them.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
"It is well, it is well with my soul."

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed his own blood for my soul.

My sin, o, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part, but the whole
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul!

And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul!

Mark Driscoll on Joel Osteen

I watched this video on a friend's blog and found it to be particularly enlightening on Joel Osteen and why the health/wealth gospel is not really good news. Subsequently, Bryan and I watched a 60 Minutes interview with Osteen, which was likewise enlightening. It hit me that this man is genuine in his belief that he is doing what is right. The problem is that what he is doing isn't preaching. No one tunes into Oprah or Dr. Phil and claims to be attending or tuning into church. Mr. Osteen wouldn't come under the scrutiny that he does if he didn't market himself as a preacher of a church, which he isn't by his own volition. He says himself that he isn't gifted in explaining Scripture. In my understanding, that's the main job of a preacher. The disgusting part of this is that thousands of people are duped into feeling like they've died and gone to heaven, finally its all of Oprah WITH praise music. (fyi: this blog was hijacked by my husband)

I think I'm crazy..

Despite the fact that being a mother is the most difficult undertaking of my life -- and I mean very, VERY difficult -- I look at pictures of Jones when he was first born and long for another one. It's not just so I can have another little thing to cuddle, it's just a stirring in my heart to have babies.

This is complete craziness. But I suppose it's also how God populates the planet with little images of Him.

Beautiful Colorado

Hello friends. Life is looking up for the O'Donnells -- we are in the amazingly beautiful mountains, ending our stay with some good friends the Petermans, getting ready to head to a retreat center, complete with trails and singing birds, for a week and a half. Jones is finishing up hour TWO on his morning nap (!!!), and we seem to be through the worst of his cold. The poor little guy was completely tuckered out from the night before last, probably the worst of his short life -- he slept a total of two hours (I think), which means we also slept only two hours. Last night, however, he gave us from 1am to 7am (ahhhhhh..). (We also bought "Little Noses" saline spray, and it's been a lifesaver for his stuffed-up nose and our waning patience -- hearing all that gunk rattling around all the time was getting extremely annoying!)

I love being in the mountains almost as much as I love fall -- but fall in the mountains is almost too much. It's even better when you're staying in someone's home, and that home is so welcoming and warm, and the someones are a joy to be around, and they make you coffee in the morning. Not to mention that you aren't in your own home, so you don't have all those little jobs calling your name all hours of the day (dishes, projects, laundry, etc). I've been enjoying the freedom to just sit and play with Jones, to read, sip, and chat -- it's lovely.

On a side note, something I discovered yesterday: I've been asking God for the wrong things. In short, I have felt lately like the lot He has given me has been too much -- I've felt as if I couldn't do life as it would please Him, so I've been asking Him to change my situation. "Make Jones sleep through the night. Free up our schedule. Give me rest. Let him nap well." -- and so on. So I'm going to start asking for strength to do the job He's given me instead. (End side note.)

We miss you all and will continue to update! Here's a pic from Glen Eyrie, the Nav headquarters.

Here we are at our engagement spot with the fruit of our marriage. :)

The Great Outdoors

On Jones's half-birthday, I made a list of things I wanted to help cultivate in him throughout his growing-up years. Two of those things were a love of God's creation of nature and a desire to explore and discover. Today, we went to the park close to our house and sat on a blanket in the grass. I perused a book while he wheeled around on his tummy, grabbing fists-full of grass and staring seriously at leaves. And from what I could tell, to this little boy, the event was glorious -- he squealed and stared meticulously at a small stick before putting it in his mouth and chewing (where everything goes these days); he would brush the grass with his hand, brow furrowed, before his face suddenly burst into a smile and he yanked it from the ground. It was a wonderful scene to behold; and I find it intriguing to think that these first years of his life will hold such a wealth of discovery and newness, all of which I will get to lead and partake of. I'm excited at the things I will learn, being a mother to this little Shackleton.

The Big Picture

Jones's first week home -- the most difficult week of my life to date. I called my high school friend, whose baby was a bit older, and cried on the phone: "This is worse than labor! I don't know what I'm supposed to do! I'm paralyzed with fear over every decision!" In my newly-post-partum mind, it couldn't get any worse: every muscle in my body was sore, as if I'd just finished a marathon with absolutely no preparation; there were stitches holding together a tear in an extremely delicate place (and it HURT, let me tell you); baby and I were trying to figure out this breastfeeding thing, which was waaaay more difficult than I'd assumed; I was suffering from a bout of mastitis (think infection with flu-like symptoms); and I was sleep-deprived. Not to mention the crying baby -- ohhh, the crying baby! The human being who would depend upon me for life and everything else -- and the very present lack of a hospital nursery. Fear overtook me. I looked down the long, stretching road of parenthood and thought, "Why does anyone ever have more than one?"

Those problems have been replaced by a new set, which is the never-ending plight of motherhood. If it's not teething, it's sleep habits. If it's not sleep habits, its separation anxiety. If it's not separation anxiety, it's potty-training. If it's not potty-training, it's puberty. And so on, and so forth. I read books on motherhood pre-Jones, and thought to myself that remembering "The Big Picture" whilst changing diapers or doing dishes didn't seem that difficult. I'd write it on a sticky note and post it by the sink. There I would see it, and -- viola! -- no problems. I've come to find that it simply is not that simple. In fact, the times when I walk in fear and frustration far outweigh the brief interludes my life has with "The Big Picture."

"The Big Picture" -- that no book will equip me for marriage and motherhood better than the Bible; that no parenting philosophy comes free from fear or frustration -- each has it's own personalized set, and if you switch philosophies, you merely trade one set of issues for another; that babyhood is perhaps the briefest and most quickly traveled-through period of a child's life (this includes sleeplessness, frequent feedings, lack of mobility, and (once mobile) mobility); that Jesus Christ died to redeem my soul from death; that the truth of the Gospel is the most important thing I could teach my child; that being united as husband and wife in desires for parenting is extremely important; that fear belongs in my life only as it relates to fearing the LORD; that I cannot be a perfect parent; that my life is not meant to be comfortable and free from suffering; that suffering makes me more like Jesus; that it is good for me to give of myself and to serve sacrificially; that children are always a blessing from God -- ALWAYS; that the LORD is more gracious and merciful than I could ever dream up, and He is not angry with my shortcomings as I imagine He is.

Getting glimpses into this picture makes me eager for the day when I will no longer have to fight myself to remember the important stuff.

"Oh! that day when freed from sinning, I shall see Thy lovely face. Clothed then in bloodwashed linen, how I'll sing Thy sovereign grace. Come, my Lord, no longer tarry! Take my ransomed soul away! Send Thine angels now to carry me to realms of endless day."

Current "Babywise" Thoughts

When I was pregnant, I heard tons from other people about Babywise -- for and against. I read the book and thought, "This sounds like a breeze!" I was eager to meet my baby, who would eat every three hours and sleep one-and-a-half hour naps all day. (And would, of course, be sleeping through the night by eight weeks.)

Everything was on schedule (he even slept through the night at five weeks!) until Jones was three months old. He started teething, and following the Babywise suggestions became almost impossible. I found myself constantly in tears, fearful that I would "ruin him" by taking him off of the schedule, frustrated and angry that he wasn't napping like the book said he should, tired by all his cries (because he wasn't "supposed" to be crying), not knowing what he needed and feeling trapped about feeding him when I wasn't even sure if he was hungry. I tried to make him drop feedings, because the book said he should be eating X times per day, and he was eating more. My milk supply dropped, and let's just say that at that point, we were both very, very unhappy. Sure, he slept through the night before he was two months, but now he had a mama who was silently brooding most of the time.

All in all, I decided that no parenting method was worth my sanity and my desire to love and parent my child. We didn't sit down and say we were going to do things differently, but I just started telling myself that it didn't matter -- it was just a nap/feeding/cry -- and they were not going to make or break his life. I realized that the main issue I was battling was the thought that his spiritual training started right now, so if I didn't have my act together at every moment of every day, he would be disobedient and whiny when he was 5, rebellious as a teenager, and walking away from the Church when he was in his twenties. Let's talk about weight. I felt an unholy amount of weight on my shoulders -- why did it take me so long to realize that it was just a freaking nap?

There is some truth to the thought that, as parents, we must be mindful of the small things in our children's lives, for they will some day turn into the issues they will struggle with. However, it is not my job to make sure my child is sinless and his behavior is perfect -- is this what God requires of us? The truly important thing is that my child observe and understand how I react to sin -- my own and others -- and I pray that, in that, I would have a repentant and humble heart.

So these are my thoughts of late. I'm not so sure what I think anymore. I like the Eat/Awake/Sleep routine idea of Babywise (also from "The Baby Whisperer"), and I like the idea of sleeping through the night -- but I think I must also not allow the book's view of Attachment Parenting to make me think that people who do not do Babywise let their kids run all over them, eating/playing/sleeping whenever the heck they want to. This is just silly.

(I'm all over the place with this one, eh?)

Anyway, I welcome thoughts/opinions/frustrations. And just know that I'm not finished thinking through this yet.

Slave to Christ

This trip to St. Louis has been incredibly trying for me, in many ways that need not be listed. Only one thing is important, and that is this lesson:

My life is not my own -- it belongs to Jesus, who has redeemed it, paid for it, bought it with His blood. I am purchased. Therefore, I am a slave to Christ and to His will, and I will necessarily do whatever He pleases. My time is purchased, so if he wants me to spend it trying to calm a crying baby, so be it. If I am to survive motherhood/marriage/life, I must learn to grasp this simple, yet difficult truth.

"... Be obedient ... as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. With good will, render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free." Ephesians 6:5-8 (pieces)

PS -- Still no teeth. A cold, but no teeth. :P